I was going to blog about my adventures in Atlanta yesterday, but while perusing my favorite reads online, I found my bud Uncle Zoloft announce the Bloggers for Abuse day.
Please go to his site to see how you can participate.
I was a victim of abuse.
My first marriage started out normal, I got pregnant nearly on my wedding night and things were fine.
After awhile it wasn't fine, it became a nightmare.
The whole marriage came to a head in Florida.
At first the abuse against me was verbal, embarrassing me in front of company or family was a favorite pass time.
Then the abuse became emotional guilt, I was a bad wife, that is why he was never home. If I hadn't gotten cancer, he would have loved me more. Now I can't give him the big family we agreed on when we got married. So I tried harder to be something I was not, something I thought he wanted. It didn't help.
The abuse became physical. He wouldn't have hit me if I had just did it right the first time. If I would just stop asking him questions, he wouldn't hit me. If I just faded into the woodwork and pretended I wasn't there maybe he won't notice me.
Snakes need a reason to strike but abusers just need an opportunity.
I left my abusive husband. I got into a shelter of sorts where I not only found safety, I found a purpose and a path.
Many women are not so lucky.
If you are abused or if you know someone who is a abused, please seek help.
Do not stick your head in the sand and say it isn't your business. It is. It is our moral right to stop abuse from happening.
Animal, spousal, child, gay, sexual, any kind of abuse needs our help.
Stricter laws must be enacted for these kinds of abuse.
Please call or contact these places if you are being abused or if you know someone OR if you SUSPECT someone is getting abused.
Domestic Violence Help Guide
The Support Network for Battered Women
I want to put a note in here. Abusers are control freaks, they can and will look at computer sites that you have been to. Erasing the history is not safe enough. Try to go to a public library computer terminal to view sites on spousal abuse. Make calls from a public phone and not a cell phone. Your cell phone remembers incoming and outgoing numbers. Abusers could read the information and hurt you for it.
Do you want to be able to recognize the signs of an abused person? Please see the site eHow.
With all of our help, abused people can find shelter and help they need.
Fear is a strong emotion and it is very hard to overcome. But with community support and loving hearts, fear can be fought and trust can be learned again.
I speak from experience.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
Thank you for your story, I bet there was much more that was still too painful for you to share?
Abusers need help as well, normally the abuser was abused himself.
They need education not always incarceration.
People who are getting abused need therapy. They can learn how to cope better with a professional than they can in a group home.
I have helped dozens of abused people get back on their feet and I know vengence is not what they want, they want help.
Have their friend get them help. Sometimes talking with the couple can help, not all abusers abuse all the time. Some can be saved.
Thank you for a wonderful read.
I'm so sorry for what you went through. I found a book about 2 weeks ago about a young woman who was in an abusive situation as well. I couldn't put it down until I read the whole thing and then I just sat down and cried. It's horrific to think about the abuse that so many people suffer through. The book is at http://www.wheniwas13.com/
Thank you for your comments.
Mamma Grizzly,
I have read that book, it was heart rendering. It was a challenge for me to finish it. So many painful memories of my own flooded in.
Al,
I do not know if abusers can be helped or not. All I know is I have been divorced from my abuser for 19 years. In that time, I have found a wonderful husband, we have been married 15 years in November. While we were dating, it took time for me to completely trust him.
My ex-husband has been married 3 or 4 more times since I divorced him.
A repeat abuser? Seems like it to me.
I really do not agree that all abusers come from abusive families. My ex-husband's family was a regular Catholic family. Lots of normalcy there, I never saw a hint of abuse.
So where did his come from? HE was a bully of the first water. I hope he does get better, but I truly doubt it.
Rose, this has got to win the award for best blog ever. So many women and children are the victims of abuse, and it wears many ugly faces - child neglect, violation of trust, verbal insults, all the way to outright physical violence. For years it was not discussed in so-called "polite company" because the victim had learned to feel at fault.
On a personal note, I found out that my maternal grandmother's first husband had abused her - and even kept a loaded gun on the mantle, which he said he would use on her and their daughter if she ever tried to leave with their daughter. He messed with the wrong lady! She had to make the painful decision to leave him and her daughter (whom he adored and treated like gold) in order to save her daughter's life. She did this in around 1900, a time when women were still viewed as property and divorce was almost never granted. She ultimately met and married my grandfather, a gentle, caring man, and she built a new life with him and was reunited with her first daughter (my aunt).
How many centuries of women and children have suffered from such vicious actions?
Note to Al: I too find it incredibly difficult to believe that abusers can change. I also am of the belief that an abuser does not have to come from an abusive background. Maybe I'm harsh here, but I find no mercy for anyone who inflicts deliberate emotional and physical abuse.
Post a Comment