I am Legend...I am bad!
Lee and I watched a stinky, rained on dog turd called, "I am Legend" the other night.
Oh my GOD! How bad and predictable was that movie? This will be a spoiler for the movie...in case it isn't spoiled enough.
Even with the Riff Trax playing in my MP3 player this movie was intolerable.
OK, the beginning. There is a cure for cancer. Now fast forward, people are trying to get out of Manhattan, there is some sort of virus that is changing people into NPR radio DJ's, er, zombies.
See Will Smith run with his wife, child (bit of nepotism here, that was Will's own daughter) and Shepherd puppy toward the line of soldiers.
The soldiers are checking peoples eyes for the virus. After a false start on the wife, Will gives the child to his wife and says he has to stay behind and find the cure...or something.
The child gives Sam, the shepherd, to Will and says, "Stay with Daddy Sam, keep Daddy safe!" or some Disney crap like that.
See his wife and child on a helicopter with many other helicopters lifting off at the same time...can you guess what happened next? I sure knew as did the Riff Masters! Boom! Two helicopters crash into each other leaving Will a childless widower.
Now fast forward another 80 years (joking) man and beast the only two daylight living things left on Manhattan, are on the hunt for food. Of course they have to do this in the daylight because the zombie people come out at night! Now Will has survived the virus. This is supposed to be a brilliant doctor of virii and bacteria. He keeps testing different forms of the virus on mice and such but he isn't smart enough to realize why he hasn't died from the same crap that has killed everyone else?!!! I am not that smart and I know why!
Still no explanations on why that is or why the cancer cure started this thing, or if it even did!!!
No one explains how the lions get out of the zoo either but there they are hunting the same deer Will and Sam are. Will has set manikins up in the video store so he has something to talk to. There is a weird moment where a new manikin is in the store (I would think he put it in there!) and he asks the check out manikin who the "new girl" is!
As they are living off of the land so to speak, Will has a nice crop of corn growing on Avenue A and he plays golf off of the USS Intrepid.
Back at his house where it is fully powered due to the huge generators he runs. He has a fully equipped kitchen stocked with foraged goodies, a medical lab in the basement and upstairs he has a nice slipper bathtub that he and Sam sleeps in. I don't know why.
Shrek is playing on his TV a lot, all three of the movies in pieces can be seen throughout the movie.
Paraphrasing Bill Corbet here, "If Shrek isn't beheaded and Donkey not torn in half it will ruin the whole tone of the movie."
Now can anyone guess that Sam is not going to make it? I called him "Dead Dog Barking" and the riff Masters were calling him "Old Yeller", and guess what?! The dog gets bit by one of the zombie dogs and Will has to put him down.
So to mess with an already fragile mind, I mean mine, the dog is dead and Will has to sleep in the bathtub by himself now....then comes the home invasion!
A few people heard his radio broadcast calling out for survivors to meet him, then he gets surprised that someone actually hears the call and comes to visit!
The survivor is a young woman and a child. They come into his house while he is sleeping off the Sam killing and the lady makes bacon and eggs.
They are on their way to a survivor colony up in Vermont. You see somehow the virus can't live in the cold. Hey, who can?!
Will says no one is alive out there, this goes on for a while, yes they are, no their not, until he throws his food on the floor like a petulant child shouts that he was saving that bacon and goes to bed.
Egads!
Then the ending, I know thank goodness, huh?
To say the least we all should know including those who have read this and not watched the movie how it will end. He is in his lab where he had taken one of the female zombies..now just a side note here, they are zombies in the movie but they are vampires in the book.
A male zombie who must be this females mate, but Will once again isn't that bright to make the connection as to why this male zombie is so adamant about getting this female back.
The male zombie gets his whole pride together and goes after Will, they are breaking into the lab as Will shoves the woman and the kid into a fireplace (?) with a steel shield. He tells them they will be safe in there. At the same time a light bulb goes off in his head as to the cure and he gives the woman a tube of his own blood (GET IT NOW?!!!) and then pulls out an incendiary grenade he kept in the lab for emergencies I guess.
Just as the male zombie breaks through the glass Will pulls the pin and dives through the glass after the male and Ka-BOOM!!
Fast forward again and you see the woman and the kid driving one of Will's many cars up to Vermont where there is indeed a survivor colony and she gives the tube of blood to a soldier and says this is the cure.
Well, no shit!
Anyone besides this dumb old cancer survivor ever hear of antibodies? He had a natural immunity to the virus, therefore he is carrying the seeds of the viruses's destruction.
At the end of that movie I was nearing my own destruction! The Riff Trax made it somewhat better but not even Kevin Murphy, Mike Nelson and Bill Corbet could save this turd hammer. If you listened to the Riff Trax you would know from where that term came from!
Hollywood, stop trying to entertain me! I will get a piece of string and make Cat cradles for a few hours, that would better entertainment than "I am Legend".
I am glad I didn't pay to see this waste of celluloid.
Oh my GOD! How bad and predictable was that movie? This will be a spoiler for the movie...in case it isn't spoiled enough.
Even with the Riff Trax playing in my MP3 player this movie was intolerable.
OK, the beginning. There is a cure for cancer. Now fast forward, people are trying to get out of Manhattan, there is some sort of virus that is changing people into NPR radio DJ's, er, zombies.
See Will Smith run with his wife, child (bit of nepotism here, that was Will's own daughter) and Shepherd puppy toward the line of soldiers.
The soldiers are checking peoples eyes for the virus. After a false start on the wife, Will gives the child to his wife and says he has to stay behind and find the cure...or something.
The child gives Sam, the shepherd, to Will and says, "Stay with Daddy Sam, keep Daddy safe!" or some Disney crap like that.
See his wife and child on a helicopter with many other helicopters lifting off at the same time...can you guess what happened next? I sure knew as did the Riff Masters! Boom! Two helicopters crash into each other leaving Will a childless widower.
Now fast forward another 80 years (joking) man and beast the only two daylight living things left on Manhattan, are on the hunt for food. Of course they have to do this in the daylight because the zombie people come out at night! Now Will has survived the virus. This is supposed to be a brilliant doctor of virii and bacteria. He keeps testing different forms of the virus on mice and such but he isn't smart enough to realize why he hasn't died from the same crap that has killed everyone else?!!! I am not that smart and I know why!
Still no explanations on why that is or why the cancer cure started this thing, or if it even did!!!
No one explains how the lions get out of the zoo either but there they are hunting the same deer Will and Sam are. Will has set manikins up in the video store so he has something to talk to. There is a weird moment where a new manikin is in the store (I would think he put it in there!) and he asks the check out manikin who the "new girl" is!
As they are living off of the land so to speak, Will has a nice crop of corn growing on Avenue A and he plays golf off of the USS Intrepid.
Back at his house where it is fully powered due to the huge generators he runs. He has a fully equipped kitchen stocked with foraged goodies, a medical lab in the basement and upstairs he has a nice slipper bathtub that he and Sam sleeps in. I don't know why.
Shrek is playing on his TV a lot, all three of the movies in pieces can be seen throughout the movie.
Paraphrasing Bill Corbet here, "If Shrek isn't beheaded and Donkey not torn in half it will ruin the whole tone of the movie."
Now can anyone guess that Sam is not going to make it? I called him "Dead Dog Barking" and the riff Masters were calling him "Old Yeller", and guess what?! The dog gets bit by one of the zombie dogs and Will has to put him down.
So to mess with an already fragile mind, I mean mine, the dog is dead and Will has to sleep in the bathtub by himself now....then comes the home invasion!
A few people heard his radio broadcast calling out for survivors to meet him, then he gets surprised that someone actually hears the call and comes to visit!
The survivor is a young woman and a child. They come into his house while he is sleeping off the Sam killing and the lady makes bacon and eggs.
They are on their way to a survivor colony up in Vermont. You see somehow the virus can't live in the cold. Hey, who can?!
Will says no one is alive out there, this goes on for a while, yes they are, no their not, until he throws his food on the floor like a petulant child shouts that he was saving that bacon and goes to bed.
Egads!
Then the ending, I know thank goodness, huh?
To say the least we all should know including those who have read this and not watched the movie how it will end. He is in his lab where he had taken one of the female zombies..now just a side note here, they are zombies in the movie but they are vampires in the book.
A male zombie who must be this females mate, but Will once again isn't that bright to make the connection as to why this male zombie is so adamant about getting this female back.
The male zombie gets his whole pride together and goes after Will, they are breaking into the lab as Will shoves the woman and the kid into a fireplace (?) with a steel shield. He tells them they will be safe in there. At the same time a light bulb goes off in his head as to the cure and he gives the woman a tube of his own blood (GET IT NOW?!!!) and then pulls out an incendiary grenade he kept in the lab for emergencies I guess.
Just as the male zombie breaks through the glass Will pulls the pin and dives through the glass after the male and Ka-BOOM!!
Fast forward again and you see the woman and the kid driving one of Will's many cars up to Vermont where there is indeed a survivor colony and she gives the tube of blood to a soldier and says this is the cure.
Well, no shit!
Anyone besides this dumb old cancer survivor ever hear of antibodies? He had a natural immunity to the virus, therefore he is carrying the seeds of the viruses's destruction.
At the end of that movie I was nearing my own destruction! The Riff Trax made it somewhat better but not even Kevin Murphy, Mike Nelson and Bill Corbet could save this turd hammer. If you listened to the Riff Trax you would know from where that term came from!
Hollywood, stop trying to entertain me! I will get a piece of string and make Cat cradles for a few hours, that would better entertainment than "I am Legend".
I am glad I didn't pay to see this waste of celluloid.
Labels: Legend, movies, rifftrax, Will Smith
posted by Saphyre Rose | 3:07 PM
3 Comments:
You sound as angry as I was after Pan's Labyrinth.
Blech! I knew there was a reason I didn't watch that thing - the trailers were enough! So why did the dog have to die?
LOL. I thought the ending was pretty lame: The guy is a cancer researcher with state of the art equipment and doesn't know about antibodies?! Even the intrinsic cuteness of Will Smith couldn't save it. Verry funny post, thanks for sharing.
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